How do you know..

First of all.. Winterball.

Here's my dress :-) 

So Daniel and I talked again about the way things have been going and I feel like he is trying really hard but I feel almost as if it's too late and nothing's good enough. Which sounds really horrible but I'm just not happy and I can't figure out why. I also don't want to give up, I don't want to give up when I have someone who is fighting so hard for our relationship. 

Danny spends so much time not with me and it really makes me upset, he's always at his friends and he works difficult shifts. It's annoying because he now says he's going to work on all that but I just can't help the way I'm feeling and I really hope it's just a phase.. And ill snap out of it but I'm worried that things have finally gone to far and I just won't be happy again. 

I spoke to my dad and I asked him if when him and my mum first for together they spent a lot of time together and he said they always did, he said " you pave the way for your future " as in things don't change.. And what if they don't? What if few years down the line we have kids and Danny is still going of to his friends 5/7 nights a week? What am I left with then? 

It's hard to take everything into consideration as our lives are very difficult and we have both put our relationship under a lot of stress with trying to get him a job on the riggs etc 

On one hand I think I'm way to young to be in such a serious relationship but then also why wouldn't I fight .. I just sometimes wonder if maybe it's not the right time for us? Maybe if we had met at another time or better time?   

Where do I find a guy who wants to spend as much time with me as I want to with him? 

I want someone who's reliable, who's there for me, who surprises me, who makes small pda's or on social media. I want someone who can express their feelings for me, someone who always wants to make me smile and kiss me a little longer but why do I always feel like I want something unreasonable? 

Why am I not happy? 

Tonight Danny came and got me from the train station and then rushed off to do some over time and it just didn't make me as happy as I'd like it too. I think it's because he had the day off and all he'd done was taken the rubbish to the skip.. But not all of it, no cleaning nothing else that he wanted to. 

I'm seeing him Wednesday but he's again on night shift so we won't have a lot of time together. I just have an unexplainable upset feeling.