Darkness is a harsh term don't you think?

My new pet lady bug - Sam :)

Me and Megan did a photo shoot ( pics to follow for some reason they wont upload )

...we also got millies cookies.. mm :)

I HAVE THE KEY.

Steve spoke to me tonight again, very basic chat making sure i was ok. I dont know if i can speak to him yet, it doesn't really help me know hes doing 'great.'

obviously i want him to be ok but no- i want his heart to be breaking over the fact that hes not with me so he changes his mind and decides to be romantic steve again. selfish i know.

i'm glad hes ok, im ok too. haha. no really, i am.

I am actually ok because i know its the right decision, but if he was back to the old steve i'd take him back in a wink. was looking through our first skype messages today and he was the sweetest thing!

calling me beautiful and saying he loved how safe i felt with him and that i was his baby and i was stunning. thats all i want back, i wish hed just be like that again.

Me by Paul- so sweet.

Paul has been so lovely and helpful to me over the past couple of days, i couldn't do this with out him and Angela by my side.

so many people have messaged me and given m support, its really lovely :)

Steve Morrison

I'm thinking about him, hope he's thinking about me too.

dealing with it.

i've come to realise that it was the right decision.
as much as i miss Steve and as much as i want him back, it wouldn't work.

I know now that if he was to ask me back, it would only be on the terms that a lot of stuff changed, which isnt going to happen right now. Its for the best, i deserve to be treated properly and Steve couldn't always do that.
i miss him like crazy but its just learning to deal with it.

time will tell.
We spoke on the phone last night and it really helped me, we both feel the same, and i know during this current time, we are better off as friends. we just re assured each other we were ok and it was still the right choice, which it is. no matter how hard it is, we both weren't happy we both couldn't give each other what we needed.
there are things i get upset about when i think for example; new years. i was really, really looking forward to new years with him.

I know we both need space, and it will hurt the first time i see him. i look forward to our friendship whenever the time is right.

Maybe in the future once we have both realised what we want, the time will be right for us, maybe it wont, but if its ment to be it will.

"if you love someone let them go, if they love you they will come back to you, and if they don't they never will"

I want to be with Steve, but its just not the right time for us anymore-it as if we expired like a yoghurt, we were amazing for 9 months and then just went completely down hill.
Maybe the time will come where it will be right again, i hope it does but i can't hold onto that.

i love you Steve, forever and always.

18.08.2010 - 28.11.2011

Steve and i are no longer together.




we spoke about it together, but in the end it was his final decision. I understand his reasons and that he can't deal with any more stress. I still want him though, i want to try again, i want to be happy with him, again.

I still cant't quiet come to terms with the fact that were over, it was only last night, but i don't want to believe it.
We agreed to still be friends, but even that takes time. I miss him so much already.

i wonder how he feels, i wonder if he misses me.

We went to Alter Bridge last night, my birthday present to him.
The night was all kinds of weird, we were cuddling, then angry then having a good time then things were awkward.
when we got to mine we just sat and talked, at about 4am we came to point where it was over.
the last things he said to me where

"speak soon, see ya"

speak soon? when is soon? and see ya...i doubt it.

i know this is probably for the best, maybe i'll see it in time, or maybe time will heal us and there will be a better time in the future. Right now, i don't know.

i want him back, and i wish he'd want me back too.
i know i still love him, before he left in the car i give a nice hug, and we kissed i told him i loved him and he said he still loves me.
But all the arguing is too much for his stressy life and he doesn't have time for a relationship right now, which is partly why weve gone so wrong, he didn't have the time, strength and energy to help fix up this relationship, so were over.

Laurence Winram

 Had a photoshoot with the amazing Laurence Winram today -

Here are the pics! LOVE THEM!

I think this is my favourite!

Afterwards went to see my wee flicky bug :) was nice to spend some time with her! :)

mumford and sons

The new pic of my tattoo :)

moving on-

Had a very good day today working with Laurence Winram! 

He really inspired me and his work is fantastic, it was cool to get an insight into how he does it!

seeing him again tomorrow along with Ashleigh!

Also turns out Steve as only a 5 min walk away from me so he took me home and stayed for a bit...well slept :) lazy bum! hes a busy bee the now!

xXx

last day at D2 :(

so had my last shift at D2 :( so sad, start primark on Sunday then me and steve are going to see Alter Bridge!!!!!!!! :D

Anyway! so after work Paul came and got me, then we went to his saw his PARROT!! so cool! then we went to Morrisons and got fahijta stuff!! we made dinner- yummmy!!!

Stayed Laurens afterwards!
And today I'm off on another wee adventure....

Successful day!

Daily inspiration - Good ol' scotland!

so my epic journey was...bambadabaaaam....

Might not look so epic...but it took a good 40 mins and i made it there and back all on my own! :)

so proud! Rugby was alright, hopefully got some good shots - will see later on!

also popped into a few charity shops and got...

cuuuute cardi -£5!

Supa cute hat! - £2.50

aaaaand earmuffs! £1.50!

love :)

My wee cute-asaurus enjoying a kebab before his gig! both had busy days but weve kept each other up to date! miss him :)

and last but not least - twlight night!

Huggin' da twlight peopo!

my wee adventure!

hHI'm about to set out on a wee mini adventure! going to the rugby today in Edinburgh, and don't have the faintest idea where I'm going or where it even is!

Task 1 - get the train - DONE
Task 2 - get off and either

A) walk to the bus stop which would lead t -
A) pt 2 - get the bus to Tesco - meet Ashleigh.
B) walk all the way to tesco to meet Ashleigh.
 Task 3 - after either of above completed walk with Ashleigh to the rugby match venue!


After the match need to somehow find my way home too.. to have Greek meal cooked by my mama, with my family and some of feli's friends :)
Afterwards going to Angelas dance show- and afterwards going to Le cinema t see twilight with mama and the girls :)

Shellac nails was only the beggining!
Busy day- but it'll be a good one :)

BRING
IT
ON!

Shellac nails!

Got shellac nails done lets see how long they last! :D 

loving them so far!

skyparooo

Had a little skype with my bear :)

hiding...

SMILES

gorgeous baby :)

Shake it out.

I remember sitting in Angela's car listening to these songs and her loving it!

Gonna miss her when she leaves in January for 7 months :( </3

The other night me and paul went for a wee drive and a chill, and Mumford and sons were on the radio, 

i loved sitting listening to them. 

ive done some digging and i think ive found it!!

1.26.20

^^

Ocean and Lime :)

Off college today, in the morning we went to carolyn's and i watched Dumbo while the adults chatted...

i got my first Graze box today..

first thigns first its THE cutest thing ever!! :) and so yummy ive already finished it all...

Then me, mum and jamie ventured out to go buy ocean a wee budgie buddy :) and we bought Lime! The Lime green and yellow boy budgie... yay budgie babies :D 

I also got called into do a eeny weeny 4-5.30 shift at d2, wasn't to bad :)

had a yummy chinese for dinner...i really need to stop with them!!

LIME THE BOY BUDGIE!

Sitting side by side... Ocean not knowing whats behind the towel...

Ocean finally is let out and they start kissing through the cage!!

TOGETHER AT LAST!

OCEAN <3 LIME

" My hip hurts " " Yeah thats cos your arse...y - being arsey!!"

SMILEY.

Steve came over after college, and i made him Nando's chicken, roast potatoes and chips a'la Pat!

Yummy-yummy-YUMMY!

Shexxxi brown hair :)

Then we snuggled up and watched some of paul...Steve tickled me a lot :( i ended up having a wee mental breakdown, which Steve found even funnier...hurra! Overall we had a great night, we had so much fun and laughs and smiles :) Just the way i like it!

Tomorrow we will have been together 1 year and 3 months woo :)

Smiles all around :) and the smiles WILL continue :)

Laughing like goons :)

"Pat heres my smile " 

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE

 :)

Still stuck here, in the Eleventh hour!

Sooooooo college was fun, Graham expected my 'risk' image :)

 had a good laugh in class,

Abraham had an image where a random black cat just appeared in! 

Met up with Steve and chummed him to Drum Central :) we talked everything over and we all good now, he's coming over soon and i'm gonna make us some dinnna! Then i promised him we'd watch a guys movie...yayhay.. haha :)

Feeling very positive and happy today, makes a change and i'm loving it!

- ive deactivated my facebook for a while, think i needed a wee break was just spending WAAAAY to much time on there for my own good!

Looking forward to a GOOD night :)