Kinda cute actually.

Sooooo!
alot has happened, again.


23rd Dec.
Steve came into Primark, HE CAME INTO PRIMARK WTF?! We talked, were moving on, were not getting back together, thats fine. I am actually fine with it, he would have to change to much, and hes not going to so! the end.

I dropped an xmas card into his parents and Vicki sent me a really sweet reply, made me smile.

 ME AND PAUL IN OUR JUMPERS :)

End of the night - Pauls tee.

Me and My Paul

My jumper that i actually really like :)

Me and Scott!

Went out that night for a 'ugly christmas jumper party' with Paul, was alot of fun! Danced all night long had a heap of fun! Met a guy called Scott, who i used to always wind Paul up about, calling him 'Lover Boy' Inside joke :P
Anyway spent most of the night dancing and having fun with him,
the next day 24th/25th-MY BIRTHDAY.

Went to the movies with la perentos and Jamimia, met flick afterwards! had xmas, was lovely :) then Paul came and got me and Flick and we went back to Earth, where again i met Scott.
After coming back from Christine's, i got dropped off at Paul's, we had such a lovely night together, was really nice to start and finish my birthday with him. Looking forward to doing the same with him on the 8th on Jan! Were staying in a hotel on the 7th after our d2 night out!! :D

27th Dec
Paul came over to make me feel better cos i had taken the day off as i was ill, was ment to be doing a 12 hour shift, but i couldn't :( He stayed over late, and we had a very fun night together.

28th Dec.
So Scott and i have been talking/texing for a couple of days and he asked me to come over today after work. So he met me at 7 and we went to Asda to get munchies, then to his. Watched 1 and half movies haha. Mostly we cuddled which was nice, we talked a lot and i felt like i got to know him quiet well, hopefully i'll get to know him better.
He seems like a really nice guy, i don't know where things are going to go but i hope there fun whatever they are :) I just want to have fun and enjoy whats going on!

New years were going to the street party in Edinburgh!! wooo :D Still don't know who my New Years kiss will be! Look forward to finding out... ♥

YOU SEE!?!?

><

THIS ALSO MADE ME LOL.

with arms wind open.

Lots of stuff is still happening its good!

First thing, i spoke to Steve, he made it pretty clear that were not gonna meet up, and there no chance of us getting back. So, time to move on with my life. if he doesn't want me in his life- its his loss!

Its so stupid we should be together, everyone argues, and i know we can work through this, especially now i've learned and realised so much over the last couple of weeks, ive actually been in his shoes.

Started taking stuff off my walls, this blog will be next.

Anyways, :)

I got the supervisor job at Primark!!! could not be happier!! :D 

on my first day!

Went out on that saturday night! met a guy called Antz!

we were getting on really well and stuff, texted for a couple of days but then he said he's gonna be seeing someone else so - SEEYA! boy i know how to pick em.

I guess i just want to have fun now though, since i'm single i should embrace it - by that mean i do not mean be a slag haha. 

Paul was over again last night helping me with my essay :)

we had alot of fun. 

Dream of Para-Para Paradise!

I don't even know where to start, so i'll tell my favourite stories first!!

So the twin atlantic dude that i gave my number too, didn't text me, so i asked his friend if he had facebook to which he replied,

"Na his bird does't like him haven it cos he talks to other girls on it"

Hit the nail on the head right there, he was buying me drinks and everything!!

Moving on from that dude, was talking to another guy...who came out with this...

ABSOLUTE LOL, I replied with i'm not a lesbian, and i just got out of a year and half relationship...with a dude.

haha boys.

anyways what else did i want to speak about??

well i got £330 for modelling - KACHING!! :) 

I got cool new shoes! i will upload a pic later cos my phone is being SHIT.

i got a tom and jerry tee from Primark LOVE IT :) i also applied for the supervisor role!! :D 

Did a shoot with Heather, was cool :) one of the pics, there will be more to come!

But my 1.8 lens broke :( 

My pinhole image!

EVERY TEAR DROP IS A WATERFALL, MAKE ME HAPPY, I DUNNO WHY :)

I'm missing Angela a lot, been so hecktik busy i haven't seen her and she leaves soon :( 

Here we go plan B! :)

just as things were looking up, were fucked.

maybe its time to start moving on?

nothing gets better than memories, when all you have are memories for friends.

Let me tell you about my week so far...
Thursday-
Had college, but it shut early cos it was super windy!! Then headed through into Edinburgh to meet Laurence! found my own way there again :) Was really exiting they were filming and we were shooting - alot of fun! Laurence also did a couple of shots with me! Finished about half 6, met paul at Edinburgh park and he came over to mine to help me write my essay....we stayed up until 6am...we had a really good laugh, was absolutely knackerd afterwards cos i only got 1 hours sleep. He left at half 6, and came and picked me up again at 8 to go to college..which leads onto Friday...

The whole room - photo on one side/filming on the other.

We preview of what it looked like!

Quick preview of whats to come later... :)

Paul at 3am being a muppet haha!

Friday-
So the day started at 8am, on my way to college, stayed for tutorial and then headed to studio, got a taxi from Waverley to the studio only a fiver! From 11am until 630pm i was modelling for "Radissons" Hotels! was a lot of fun, i was so sleepy though that i accidentally fell asleep for half an hour...woops!
Afterwards Alistair took me and Paul to HMV picture house to see...Twin Atlantic!! They were bloody good!!! Met two guys who were totally cool! one was a hottie! Not heard from him yet, well see! Paul took me back, and i got to bed about 1am.

My wee outfit!

TWIN ATLANTIC

Saturday-
Slept in and ended up being late for work! Had a 945 till 7pm shift! Ended up starting at 1015! was a very long day!! Afterwards Lorna took me home, and i went straight to Sandra's to babysit. We were watching Little Miss Sunshine, until the cows got out and we spent an hour in the rain trying to heard them all back into a field...failed only managed about 13/30! Just back now...12.40! Paul came over for a bit and stayed till 4am lol!

Sunday- Work 9-615! BUSY BUSY BEE!

MONDAY IS MY DAY OFF.

Few pics from the shoot with Julie on Mon-

I think my heart is broken.

i love you

"I saw you screaming and no one can hear. 

You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important that without them, you feel like nothing. 

No one will ever understand how much it hurts.

 You feel hopeless,

 like nothing can save you. 

Then when it's over, 

and it's gone,

 you almost wish you could have all that bad stuff back, 

so that you could have the good."

So this is starting to get annoying.

1. in Primark, talking to a dude asked him what he does, his reply - 

"play percussion, i'm a drummer"

2. 5 mins later, another dude walks up and without even thinking i just read out his name badge and say 

"How you doing ? Stev-en..."

3. Folding t shirts with a girl and i ask her where she's from she replies with 'Ayr'

AND THEN TODAY

i took a guys post code for his game reward card, EH54 8AU (or something) - STEVES BLOODY NEIGHBOUR.

STOP SENDING ME SIGNS IF YOUR NOT SENDING HIM SIGNS.

actually crying.

HAHA I LOVE. CSI.

10 things to smile about.

Had an awesome night last night, Me and paul went to the movies to go see 50/50, wasn't on till 10 o'clock though so we bumped into Ahsim, Danny, Graeme and Bobby in Lloyds! was a lot of fun!! :D
ended up seeing the movie half pished which was really fun. Afterwards we played in the snow till 2 am :)
But over all the movie was good!
For some reason it really hit home when the old man says.

"Wheres Mick?"
"Mick died last night."
"But he was fine yesterday, i don't understand"
"What does it matter, his heart stopped beating, and thats it."


It made me relies that i am actually very lucky and i shouldn't be upset. I'm not sick nor is anyone around me, i haven't lost any one recently due to death and i have a way forward. Life's too short to not appreciate it, you really should live everyday like its your last.
I also happen to come across a youtube video, about a guy who was going to commit suicide, but as he's hanging from the rope he decides to live. He tells about his 10 reasons to smile, and challenges everyone to think about 10 things that make them smile everyday, no matter how big or small.

Here are mine -

1. I am alive, healthy and smiling. :)
2. I have found a passion i would love to pursue that i'm actually good at.
3. I have (technically) 3 jobs.
4. I have a lot of family and a lot of close friends who i care about, and who care about me.
5. I have a place to eat/sleep/live.
6. I'm an interesting person and outgoing.
7. I don't not have anything i need.
8. I have a bright future and ambitions.
9. I am a positive person
10. I smiled a lot more today than i thought i would :)

Lets talk about the summer, and how you wished it wouldn't end...

♥

And I don't mind,
If we take our time,
'Cause I'm all yours, If you're all mine.

A lot of these lyrics are fitting, either from my mind or hopefully Steves.

♥

Got me a haircut :)

So i went and got a hair cut! a woo! nice short and sleek :) Love it!

Feeling good about moi!

also had my Primark training and made more new friends!! :D it's awesome :) 

Before               /                 After 

Gonna get some sleep now, long day in Primark again tomorrow and then Jill Jackson afterwards with Angela!

Plant your hope with good seeds, don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds :) M.A.S.

I'm good :) i am ok!

I need to start thinking positively!

So many people are breaking up right now its unreal! i can't believe i'm one of them.

its one of those things that always happens in bulk.

Anyways, no point in being down it wont get me anywhere, if Steve and I are ment to be, we will work out at some point, if not, everything happens for a reason.

Maybe the reason i didn't get the Nandos job, and i got Primark, was cos i'm gonna meet some one new :) 

I don't think i want to move on, i know i'm not ready but who knows whats gonna happen, afterall it is Christmasssss :) Smiles all around, 24 days till i turn 19 and ovcourse- SANTA!

"so tell me now, where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart? "

Looked after these wee beauties today!

ALWAYS STAY POSITIVE :)