Welcome to page 2.
It is a New Year, a new start. Tomorrow Daniel will be home & I can start clearing my head. I can't wait to see him... I'm nervous and excitied - i feel as if we broke up while he was away.
You know the funny thing is that I bet he had no clue...that anything was wrong. Men are strange... I guess I'll find out tomorrow.
I do and don't want answers.. I want to leave this all behind me but at the same time I wonder.. Why didn't he have a second to spare to tell me he loved me or even put a smiley face in his messages and make them sound a little less angry and as if he didn't want to talk? I want to know why Towney was able to be on wifi more than him, I wanna know if Towney made the effort to call anyone on the bells or stayed in touch with a lady friend. I wanna know why I had to find out what he was doing on his trip through social media. I wanna know if he even mentioned me at all? If the people he was staying with thought it was strange that he didn't contact me & especially not at New Years at the bells-this still hurts. But on the other hand.. What would it help? Would I feel in any way better with the answers ?
On New Year's Eve I cried in my bathroom when I got his pathetic message - I texted him to 'apologise for calling ' hoping he'd apologise for speaking to me the way he did and I suggested he shouldn't worry about calling me at the bells because I didn't want him to stress. I receive this lovless message :
"It's ok sorry it's just we have so much we are doing all the time. I hope you have a great time tonight and a happy new year xxx"
A happy new year... Am I some random? I cried for 45 minuets deciding how to respond. In the end I just sent a sticker. Sad I know but not exactly how I imagined to be welcomed into the new year from my Prince Charming. My sister found me and we talked things through, she said she could relate. When I told Mette she said it didn't sound like he appreciated me at all & I really don't know what to think. I found out what he did for NYE through his snapchat story.. The funny thing is the next day he messages me saying " happy new year baby :) " and I felt better .. That small personal touch, it's all it takes. It makes me so angry.
A clean slate, a new start. This year I will not be obsessive and driven by social media. This year I will make a conscious effort to be the best person I can be, not to freak out, not to jump to conclusions and also to keep an open mind about my future, with or without Daniel.
I need to have fun and live a little and stop over thinking and getting myself in a rut.
I'd also like a little more attention from him.. Let's see if I can put myself aside and have a look from a different point of view. Maybe there's a lot im not seeing that I should be.
Xoxo ( really enjoying gossip girl right now )
