Garfunkels

My beautiful boy and got to spend a day and night together. We got up on the Saturday and went into Edinburgh to grab some lunch. 

We found Garfunkles and got burgers, I had a milkshake and Danny had a cider :-) 

Then we came home and watched some movies and had munchies for dinner.. We had a really close time and connected which was lovely ( even though I was a little grumpy - Danny handled it well :P ) 

Sunday we also spent the morning together, Danny got us some food and surprised me with flowers and a candle!! 

I met Greig later on and we went to the carvery for dinner then hung out at his.

I came home and now I'm watching Hannibal with my gorgeous man. Even though I feel a little ill, it's perfect. 

Friday I also said goodbye to my beautiful family ( except feli :( ) they are off to France for 6 weeks. Feli and I fly out soon to go see them!! 

Me and my Ruby baby. ❤️

High tea with me mama :-)

I received a voucher for my birthday it was a half spa trip to get high tea and an hour massage. I never managed to go with my friends who gave me it so I invited my mama to use it up with me :-) it was so lovely - we went to the Carlton hotel Edinburgh and had our high tea lunch at 2 first. Was really yummy and we had a good time to talk and really connect. It was a very special time for me as we used to argue a lot during my time growing up. We have recently grown so close and I'm enjoying it. :-) 

We decided to go again for Christmas with feli as a present to eachother! :D i think it will be a huge amount of fun! 

I had a half hour back and neck massage and half hour facial ( fell asleep .. So good ) then we just sat and chatted in the hotel for a bit before taking the train back home. :-) 

Friends are for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

My problem has always been that I get too attached to people. I just love friends, I love making new friends I love connecting with people, I love making and sharing memories.

A lot of my friends come and go, and every time they go I get so deeply hurt and upset by it. Loosing Candice and Dom, they were the latest blows and they hit me pretty hard. Within months they had climbed high in my " best friend chart " and we has so many fun times, and all I remember is having the most fun i'd had in a long time. Now both of them are pretty much non existent.

There are a lot of people in my life that mean a huge deal to me and obviously some mean that extra touch more, due the connections we have and moments we have shared and time.

I have rekindled and old friend flame with Megan, whom I worked in d2 with. This has brought a lot of happiness into my life. We laugh a lot and talk even more. She works with me and and we go to the gym together, and we seem to just get each other. I am very grateful for this.

I'm still close to a lot of my long standing good friends, like Angela, Lorna, Greig, Jamie Crighton and Paul.

Paul is the reason I am writing tonight.

We have a lot of history and go back a long while and also to the beginning of my blog ( lol. ) Our friendship also started from d2, he used to work there so when we went on nights out together, we always got on well.

One particular catch up Paul and I got to talking and he has just recently split up with his girlfriend and my relationship was on the rocks. We sought comfort in each other as friends and went on a lot of adventures together we had so much fun and he was so helpful while I was at college and had families dramas etc. Our friendship crossed the line at a point when we were both single and we quickly realised it was a wrong move. We agreed to be friends instead which worked out to be the best decision we ever made. Soon after I met my Danny and fell head over heels in love.

Paul later got back together with his ex partner and they now have a gorgeous little boy.  Unfortunately his ex had taken a big dislike towards me. There had been other mistakes made on her side (Paul claims on his side too) and whenever she saw me it reminded her of all those times. This has escalated to the extent where she has driven a wedge between Paul and me and it makes me furious.

Paul risks loosing his family every time we make contact, a relationship shouldn't be that way and I struggle to have it on my conscious. I have never done anything wrong or anything to hurt this girl but she has focused her pain onto me and for that reason she cannot stand me.

Tonight I got very upset as I noticed Paul had deleted me from Facebook which sounds trivial but the meaning behind it was what really struck me. When I confronted him about it, it was of course her call. She requested that he cut all social ties with me to make it easier for her to get over her crazy low.

I just have so many angry, upset, gutted, annoyed, disgusted, sad, cold feelings in my mind and I hate that I can't do anything.

For a long time I have tried to stay supportive and see him whenever possible and do whatever I have to do, but at this point i'm just so lost. It's all so unfair and such a difficult position to be in.

I'm seeing him tomorrow.

God, Paul, I miss the old us.

I am so grateful to have guy friends, and I really love my 3 besties, Paul, Jamie and Greig.

Me and Jamie at prom 5 years ago :

Halloween 2013

Greig, a wee gem. 

and too finish off, my one true love;

Daniel Alan McGowan.

English

The right kind of wrong

The right kind of wrong was the movie I watched tonight and damn not was fantastic!! For some reason I really enjoyed it, I had so many giggly moments I think it's just a general feel good. 

The film is basically about an ex wife who writes a book about all the flaws in her ex husband ( throughout the movie he pursues another married woman who he believes - after one chance meeting - is the one for him )

They take some time to really emphasise how having all of your flaws out on the table can be a terifying thought. Which when you think about it is scary! Imagine having the world read everything that is wrong about you ( in someone else's opinion ) 

Opinions are a funny thing as they can lead the person on the receiving end to believe almost anything they are told as this is how the person explaining would like it to be received. 

I like the idea of being wrong for some people and then you meet that one and your just the right kind of wrong for.

" one day you will meet someone who will make you realise why it never worked with anyone else "

When I think about mine and Danny's relationship and how much we have done for eachother I truley cannot imagine doing and " putting up " with all that stuff for any one else. 

We are the right kind of wrong for each other. 

My one and only.

You are my one true love. You make me feel like I have never felt before. My heart grows when your with me and I have so much love for you. I wish I could properly explain how you make me feel but the feeling is so over whelming. You are a part of me.

 

Me.

I've been feeling a little odd lately, lots of changes happening around me and in my mind. Roller coasters of emotions and not to mention the weather. Huh, maybe thats why.

I have a few big things happening in my life. Tomorrow i have the final interview for a possible huge new job opportunity, which now, after having a taste of it - i really want!

Daniel and I are on a roller coaster but the best thing about that is that we are really enjoying the ride, and were doing that together. One minute we hate each other - god life is so awful and then we kiss and everything is okay again and it makes you realise how precious your happy moments are. This is the pro of an argument, you catch a glimpse of what you've got, when you've forgotten it..or alternatively you realise it's what you don't want. I think confrontational arguments are good. Not in the moment, but they are good. Although i do enjoy sitting around, listening to the sad music and crying about 'how awful my life is' for 10 mins then realise i'm being an idiot. For me its like a way to reconnect with my emotions. I guess everyone has their own ways.

Anyway, the reason my cogs are turning tonight is after watching The Breakfast Club, i had a few thoughts.

This film was sold to me as 'life affirming' ' the ending sums it up perfectly' and just god damn brilliant, yet i couldn't be more disappointed. I guess at the end your supposed to feel happy and reassured that it's ok to be a princess, an outcast, a criminal etc but my thoughts where " yeah i already know that.. get to the point." After reading some reviews i understood that this shows teenage life and helps you feel ok about your own, but at the time I already felt like that. I never felt all alone or thought I was the only one with a tough teenage life I knew fine well everyone was going through the same shit different situation.

This film made me realise how in touch and secure I am with myself. I can really understand, connect and read people and i always presumed this was normal but over the last few months i'm beginning to see that it's not and this truly was a gift from my dad.

He once told me ' we have antenna's you an me, we can hook onto peoples frequencies like a radio and understand and communicate with them ' I never quite understood it at the time but now i really see. This is what is going to help me succeed in being the best version of me, that i can be.