James Bay - let it go

If this is all were living for, why are we doing it anymore?

I used to recognise myself, it's funny how reflections change. 

We're becoming something else I think it's time to walk away.

Cmon let it go, just let it be. 

Why don't you be you, and I'll be me. 

Love

I can't wait to find my true love. 

To find someone who loves me for who I am and sees all the things that make me, me and loves them. 

Looking back I there were things that are very me that Daniel complained about. Like New Years, when I mentioned that it's a big deal to me he replied " everything's a big deal to you " and yes it is but that is who I am. 

Someone who will love my passion for life and every event possible, New Years, halloween, Christmas the lot! 

Somone who will love how much I love music and listening to the lyrics and finding qoutes. 

Someone who will love how involved I get in movies, and that I cry when things get too happy or too sad in them. 

Someone who will love my zest for life and need to unconditionally love.

Someone who wants to know and hear every story I have to tell, who wants to know how I see the world and what I think of it.

Someone who tells me they love me, and that I look beautiful when they think I look good. Someone who takes pictures of me to capture the moment and wants to share them. 

Someone who wants to surprise me and whos equal goal in life is to make me happy and love me. 

Someone who appreciates me for exactly who I am, my tantrums, my mood swings, my need for attention, my crazy relationships, my wild hair and wild mind. 

I can't wait to feel accepted and to find all these little amazing things in someone else, someone new or maybe even see them again. 

I don't know right now if Daniel and I will ever work again, or if I will love someone new. I'm just looking forward to love. 

For me, it's always been about love. 

All I want in life is to love and to be loved. I don't care about money or a career. All I need is love. All I want to do is give someone all my love forever, just love them endlessly. 

Id rather love just a little too much.

 

Feelings

I've been struggling to understand how I feel. So far I hadn't really cried and then yesterday I hit the wall - in work - and I just cried. I sat in the bathroom and cried. I'm starting to wonder if I've made a mistake, but we still need time. There would be no sense in getting back together now as nothing would have changed. Daniel needs to get his own place, find his own way. 

I hope at that point we will both be ready for each other. 

I'm in two minds about what to do, I want to know how he feels, but I also don't want to get his hopes up and then down the line maybe I don't want to get back - maybe he doesn't even want to get back together?

I'm starting to miss all the good things, they keep coming back to me. I need to remember that there were also a lot of bad times, and that's why we're not together anymore. We didn't make eachother happy. 

I think I'm just struggling with being alone, it's always been a problem of mine. 

I was feeling so confident all week, tear free and happy, I have hit a wall now and I know why I have however I need to focus on today. What am I doing today, what's going to make me happy today. Not whos made me happy in the past and what I no longer have. 

Living for today!

Break free

I did it.

I broke up with him. 

Current feeling : numb. 

So far I feel nothing, I've hardly cried, I've actually laughed more than I've cried. I hope I'm gonna be ok, I hope he's gonna be ok. 

I think it was the right thing to do.  

What I don't understand & why I hate social media

Re upload didn't post the first time :(

1. Why doesn't Daniel post anything about my existence anymore?

2. Why does it drive me mental?

He used to and I LOVED it. I love to be shown off and him to show publicly that I'm his. Now he doesn't want to anymore. Oh but ofcourse hell post about his friends and their trips.. But not ours.. Not my birthday.. Not our anniversary.. It really upsets me. He barely takes any picture of me at all... I could disappear and he would struggle to have something to remember me by. 

Why does it get to me so much?? It's just social media blah blah. 

Grrr

Old posts I love. 

Crossroad

I don't know what to do with my life. 

I feel as if I've given up so it doesn't even matter what Daniel does...

We have so much and I don't want to throw it all away, but I just don't feel happy with him anymore. I've started wondering if I'd be happier on my own or with someone else. 

I've asked him to move out to give us space. I think it would be the best thing for us, he needs to get himself together and me spoon feeding him isn't helping that. If we don't live together he has to make an effort to see me... Or , ultimately it just makes breaking up easier. 

14th Feb. Valentine's Day. 

We almost broke up, I decided to give him one last chance, we have gone away together to Anstruther, I feel as if I almost don't even want to be here. He said he wanted to keep fighting for our relationship but now I don't even know if it matters, I feel so bitter, I feel so done with all this. I just want to have my fun now. 

How long do I hold on for ? How long do I give him? 

I don't know if I have the heart to break his.