reality

So yesterday I had a long deep chat with my parents and they made me realise that I was over thinking and getting myself in a mess over nothing. It makes it hard to believe with the way Danny is contacting me but I'm trying really hard to stay positive.

I'm so grateful for my supportive parents and how kind and honest they were.

I called Danny today and he sounded really angry that I'd call him which upset me a little but I'm just putting it to the back of my mind. He said he was extremely busy so and he'll be back in 3 days so we can catch up then.. I was trying to organise New Years - as in when we can talk etc but.. I don't know. I'm trying really hard to stay positive, I can asses the situation when he returns before I think any more. All I know right now is, there is no way in hell I want this when he goes away for 2 week to Italy.

C'mon 2015, bring me some love!

i miss this, so much it makes me want to cry.

Andreas Bourani - Auf Anderen Wegen lyrics

DE: Du willst gehen, ich lieber springen
EN: You want to go, I'd rather jump

DE: Wenn du redest, will ich singen
EN: If you're talking about, I want to sing

DE: Du schlägst Wurzeln, ich muss fliegen
EN: You hit roots, I have to fly

DE: Wir haben die Stille um uns totgeschwiegen
EN: We have hushed up the silence around us

DE: Wo ist die Liebe geblieben
EN: Where is the love?



DE: Mein Herz schlägt schneller als deins,
EN: My heart beats faster than yours,

DE: sie schlagen nicht mehr wie eins
EN: they no longer like one hit

DE: Wir leuchten heller allein,
EN: We shine brighter alone,

DE: vielleicht muss es so sein
EN: Maybe it must be so

Patrizia who?

I'm starting to not recognise myself.. this relationship is bringing out the worst in me right now.

in this moment of time I want out, I want gone of this horrible Patrizia who is nervous and worried and feeling left out.  I'm constantly worried I'm going to annoy Danny I feel like a burden, why does this always happen to ?

I'm trying to let go and not care and not think but ARGH I'm so angry. why the fuck would you not want to text your girlfriend good morning or good night while your away? why the fuck do you act like its a problem when your girlfriend speak to you ? get a fucking grip. I give you nothing but love and clearly too much of it. To much take and not enough give.

Yeah your on holiday big whoop. Take 10 mins out of your day and salvage your relationship. The people around you will not judge you for contacting your partner.

This is eating away at me more and more, having more negative thoughts than ever. I need to get up, find the positives, I'm hoping my negativity is clouding the truth, or have we expired?

Gtg - FUCK OFF.

Feeling a little sensitive. 

I just feel so pushed to the side and I feel like Danny doesn't care about me I'm just there. 

Now I KNOW he's working night shift and I don't know what that's like but I just think that he would always still be on my mind. 

I decided to spontaneously go to Germany for 5 days and and Danny's working night shift 3 of those. 

The first night I arrived and I called him and he wasn't too thrilled and also told me that he thought we wouldn't talk for a few days so we would have some things to talk about. 

He messages me a few minuets before his shift or only when he has a few mins left from his break and I feel like I'm just the very last thing on his mind. We have spoken like 20 words in the 5 days I've been away and I've also been really ill and again there's been pathetic support on his side.

I'm honestly coming to the end of it I feel so unloved. 

He's staring doing a lot of other things I've asked him to but I feel like he's dropping other things to replace it. So yeah well done for cooking dinner and tidying up a bit more but could you also actually act like you love me, is that too much to ask? Seriously.