Started out with a kiss how did it end up like this??
-you are my sweetest down fall.
This is the first time i've properly spoken about this on my blog, but i finally thought to myself why not?
So Scott was dead sweet and told me that he would bring me whatever i wanted for dinner, so i picked a chinese :) mm, he brought it over while i was babysitting. We then went to my room, we talked for a long time and listened to a lot of music, Boyce Avenue. At the end of the night/ morning (3am) he kissed me. He was being really cute, and talking about taking me on a date, we spoke about this restaurant that only sells starters- looking forward to that!
I stayed at Paul's last night, it was amazing. We also went to dinner in South Queensferry, were we had gone for our first friendship date. We stopped by Asda to get chocolates and fruit, melted the chocolates and ov course dipped in the fruit...mm mm mmmm. We stayed up until 5am and watched Valentines day - we were in a totally happy lovey dovey mood and then we watched The Butterfly Effect, very good movie - wrong timing Paul!! Then we watched some of The Perfect Man. We snuggled up and slept until 2pm then next day, then we watched the rest of the perfect man and then Stranger Than Fiction i really enjoyed that movie. We went back to mine and had dinner.
We had to come to the conversation that had been on both our minds, tbh all three of our minds.
what the hell are we gonna do ??
I know i can have a lot of fun with Paul, and he'd treat me amazingly and do anything for me, I also know that he would never stop trying to make me happy.
I don't know where the situation with Scott may lead, but i'm also intrigued. I'm exited to try something this new and have fun with it. he seems like he could be a lot of what i've been looking for and a lot of what i always wanted from Steve.
trouble is, who do i pick?
who is right?
which choice hurts the least people?
Paul told Scott how he feels so chances are that things between Scott and I wont develop, i think i would like them to though.
I'd love to give Paul and I a proper chance, but i don't know if it will end worse.
I still get tingles and butterflies when i kiss him, and we have a great time together.
Paul and i have the hotel booked for Saturday, i've told him how i feel about the situation, i'd like to try with Scott, and if i feel now already like trying with someone else thats not a strong foundation for Paul and me, it also doesn't look promising on making sure he doesn't get hurt. We have decided to make the hotel night whatever we want it to be, out chance to be everything to each other, after that we can decide whats best, i know he wants me, i think i want him i just don't know how much. I don't want to lead him on or hurt him in anyway,
I fucked up new years, got so pissed i don't remember the bells, snogged some dude who didn't matter, and shouted for Paul all night until he came and got me at 3am. We then went to a party at his mates house, where he told em that i was going as his. i loved that, we were close all night. He even kissed me in front of his friends. The worst part was i hadn't even intended on getting drunk , i drank 3 shots and thats it - my mistake - i forgot i hadn't eaten. such. an. idiot.
I enjoyed the rest of new years and they whole of the next day we spent in bed together. it was a really nice time. 29 hours we spent together, but amazing 29 hours at that.
so saturday is the hotel, and sunday is Paul's birthday, i have work 1-7 both days but i'm sure we'll still make the most of it.
i'm so bloody confused, i wish everyone was happy an noone was being hurt.
“Better never means better for everyone... It always means worse, for some.”
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